Goal 2: Repair my relationship with food
Daily Habit: Eat regularly, 1 sugary snack a day
Because: I’ve been overeating for about 9 years out of boredom, a treat for a good/bad day, for something nice to do and from dieting. I’m terrible for starting a new ‘lifestyle change’ and managing 2-3 days (sometimes even 2-3 weeks) and then caving and binging and then restarting the cycle the next Monday. It means I’ve maintained the same weight for 3 years now but its not really a weight I’m comfortable with. James Smith has a calorie calculator which helps you work out around about how many calories you should be eating for a deficit so I figure if I roughly stay to that but eat regularly, I shouldn’t have a reason to binge. Then once I’m mastered that, I can implement a slightly more restrictive habit like the afternoon snack being fruit rather than cake!
This goal, being the hardest thing I find to change has had a few ups (lots of tasty salads and healthy dinners) and downs (Jane’s Patisserie Rollo cookie bars).
In line with my Teeny Tiny Habits blog and following BJ Fogg’s advice, I decided to make a teeny tiny plan and change this goal a little. I am going to make it progressively more restrictive but slowly and so even when the willpower wave is waaaaay low, I can still manage, keep feeling successful and keep the positive cycle of goodness. I listened to Kezia Hall’s podcast in the garden yesterday, I fell for the ‘2 Shifts You Need to Make To See Results’ hook but actually it wasn’t ‘eat 10 walnuts and you’ll drop 3 stone’, it was 2 bits of advice; be nice to yourself and prioritise health over weight. And it really backed up the big emotional conversation Ross and I had earlier in the week. I’m going to attempt to articulate what I was trrrryyying to explain but couldn’t quite get out clearly.
When your partner, friend, family member, colleague sets a goal for themselves, naturally you want to support them. You want to help them and do what you can to make it easier for them and then when they’ve hit it, you can celebrate. Yey!
So let’s call the person with the goal Gem, the supporter Sam.
When its a goal that’s really important to Gem and indirectly affects Sam too; the emotions connected to the goal, and everything Gem is doing (or not doing) are much, much higher.
What does Sam do when Gem keeps sabotaging their goal, failing wildly at it, for years? Sam’s lost pretty much all confidence in Gem’s ability to do it but they still want to motivate Sam because its important to them both. Over the years Sam’s tried being nice and asking what they can do to help practically, they’ve agreed to share the cost of different things, they’ve had sensible conversations and tried to do it with them, they’ve incentivised them with huge rewards if they hit their goal, they’ve shouted at them, they’ve tried to lay out the consequences of not achieving the goal plainly, they’ve tried tough love and shown them what can happen, they’ve pointed out their years of failures and said ‘prove me wrong’, and they’ve said ‘or you’re going to die’ all purely to motivate and Gem still hasn’t hit their goal. So infuriating, upsetting, exasperating, and seemingly impossible isn’t it?
This is the way the world has been telling us to motivate our loves ones and ourselves for years and what does it end up with? Gem feels like an absolute colossal failure, at the lowest of the low, crying their eyes out and Sam feels like a horrific dick who doesn’t know what to do but desperately doesn’t want to give up on Gem either. And the thing is, if Gem’s failed that many times over that many years, that means Gem’s also had the courage and resilience to try again and again. Regardless of how successful the attempts were, surely there should be credit for that? Gem’s felt judged for everything related to their goal and reminded of each failed attempt but isn’t it amazing how many times they’ve got back up to try again?
You can substitute Gem for me and Ross for Sam if we’re talking about food. You can substitute Gem for Ross and me (and all our family and friends) for Sam if we’re talking about smoking. You can substitute a friend or family member for Gem and you for Sam if you want to think of the most helpful way to support whoever you love.
So after listening to my podcasts and knowing the most likely way to reach a goal is to set a cycle of positive achievable teeny tiny habits, to keep the happy, confident ‘I can do it’ mind set and quite frankly, a happy marriage I’ve asked Ross to support me by not pointing out my failures if for some reason I didn’t manage my habit that day. I’m confident that it won’t even come to that but I want to know that if it does, I’m not going to get stupidly upset because he’s made a joke about my 18th cookie. If I’ve had the 18th cookie, let me tell you, I KNOW I’m messing up and I’ve already had ALL the thoughts and I don’t need anyone to make those feelings worse.
I’ve asked that he instead talks about something fun and motivating for the next day e.g ‘its supposed to be a beautiful day tomorrow, shall we try that walk we’ve been talking about.’
So, I’m staying off the scale, I’m staying away from the measurements (I’ve done it before every new program and I have such a feeling about the numbers I see), I’m focusing on my mind set and confidence in myself, the first habit is to cut out the morning snack (the easiest thing for me to start with) and I’m going to a friend’s for our first phase 1 lockdown ease BBQ with a fun, fruity cocktail that will not fail to perk me up after blabbing on and maybe being a bit overdramatic on this blog!
I’m really sensitive to certain alcohols, I have pretty violent reactions to a lot of them so I have to be really careful with what goes in to cocktails and things. Vodka Revolution on a sunny day may as well be a torture chamber for me haha VODKA IS THE DEVIL.
Raspberry Rum Collins
I had this cocktail at Chiquitos one day a couple of years ago with my lovely mother in law while we waited for Ross and my father in law (SHOCKER) and its my absolute go to now and PERFECT for taking to BBQs. Its based off a Tom Collins but made with Rum. Also the ingredients you can’t always get are easily substituted.
I make this by the jug because cocktails are sharey (I drank most of the jug by myself last Friday night however, would not recommend.)
I’m also not one for precise measurements in cocktails. I’m not trying to make a profit so here it is:
What you Need:
- A big jug
- A sieve
- Rum – white, spiced or dark. I usually use spiced because its what’s always in the cupboard. The original Tom Collins is gin so that would work too if that’s all you’ve got. If you’re ‘one of them’, then vodka too I suppose…
- Raspberries (I just buy the frozen ones), I used 3/4s of the bag for the 2 jugs but it depends how fruity and smoothie like you want it
- Grenadine (I originally got it in Asda, I can’t get it in Lidls so I’ve been using blackcurrant cordial)
- 2 Limes (or lime cordial)
1. Pour some rum in your jug. I poured this much in and then because I was making 2 jugs for social distancing I ended up pouring the whole 70cl bottle in…wooopsy
2. Pour in some grenadine / blackcurrant cordial, I put in as much as you would if this was just a jug of diluting juice. The photo below shows the blackcurrant WITH the rum already in
3. Squeeze your limes in and keep the squeezed rind
4. You can either transfer some of the liquid over to a smoothie blender and add raspberries with each lot or put it in a big food processor or I think a hand blender in to the jug might actually be easier, I might try that next time!
5. Sieve it back in to the jug. It really needs sieved to get all the raspberry seeds out or you get them all coming up in your straw.
6. Top up with soda, add a few ice cubes in (can blend those too if you like)
7. Taste! If it needs some more sweet, add in a couple of spoonfuls of sugar
8. Find a socially distanced way to share with your pals!